he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
