PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
