Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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