i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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