I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the day after is always just damage control
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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