If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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