Cold hands, warm shart.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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