Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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