I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
