Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
