i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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