My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
