Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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