btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
