3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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