The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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