We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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