Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
