it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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