I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
