I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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