i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
