what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
