...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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