If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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