Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
