Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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