remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
