in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
