Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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