Whatcha textin bout Willis?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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