Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
