then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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