so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
