These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
