I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
