It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
