bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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