I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
