My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
