I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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