I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
