Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
