I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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