At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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