i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
