so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
