It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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