the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
