Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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